Wednesday, June 27, 2012

A Dark Twist.

Sometimes... life gives you the world just to have the pleasure of ripping it out of your hands.

Have you ever felt like you had the all world smilling to you and, 10 seconds later, everything went dark?

I was so happy.
My grades weren't the best, but they were good. Great, really. Not the best I can do, but still great.

I started the beauty/fashion videos on youtube. And my What Makes You Beautiful cover passed 100 views.

I finally got over the guy I've been in love with for 3 years.

And, even better, I had a guy that seemed to like me like I liked him. Sorry, loved. Oh, I'm sorry again, love.

My love life was finally... existenting. At least, I thought so.
He made me smile. Laugh. Feel happy. Safe.
He actually made me belive that it could work.

But things change.Things always change.I just wished it hadn't changed so soon.

I'm really not made for it. All this love, romance, couples thing. I'm not made for it. I'm not made to be loved like that. By anyone. No one deserves the horror that is loving me.

It's actually a good thing. The fact that he doesn't like me. It's good. For him. Why? Beacouse I'm not made for it. For being loved. If he really loved me, he would be the one losing. He would be the one who was unhappy. And I couldn't live with that. I love him too much to make him go through that. I just want him to be happy. Even if that means staying away from me.

I wish, with all my strenght, that he would just talk to me. Solve it all. Make everything go back to what it was.
I wish we could just talk. Work things out. Be happy again.

But I won't say anything. I won't text. Becouse, if I did that, I would be putting pressure into him. And I can't do that.
He's the one who has to see what he really feels. If he loves, or ever loved me, he will say something.

Till then, I'll just wait. Becouse there's nothing else I can do. And that breaks me.

If I still have hope? Of course! There's nothing I can do about that.
If I want him here? Next to me? Even after all of this? Yes! More then anything! It would make us stronger!
If I wish this all thing, meeting him, never happened? No. Never. Becouse I love him. And I was happy..

But it hurts. It really does.

I don't blame him. Not at all. Although I did.
I blamed him for leaving me. For making me cry. I was so mad! I felt like making him feel the same way I felt. And feel. Empty. Sad. Unhappy.
But all that madness didn't last for long. For two reasons: becouse I'm not a bad person, so I don't think like that; and becouse I love him. And I don't hurt the people I love.

Just today, I've been  through so many states! I've been sad, empty, mad, crazy, hopeless... and others I can not even express with words!

But, at the end of the day, I'm really just heart broken.
It's like someone just grabed my "almost healthy" heart and crushed it, turning it into pieces.

And all it would take to heal my heart, would be a a simple "I'm sorry. I love you. Let's work this out."

But that is just not going to happen. Becouse it would be too good to be true. And I learned that those things don't exist.

I realy just wish we could go back to that Thursday, when everything was simply... perfect.

Today's motto: "If you love something (or someone), set it free. If it comes back, and it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was"

Today's song: You - The Pretty Reckless

Today's pic:

Hearts Hugs and Kisses.

Ella <3

Monday, June 4, 2012

Long Time, No Posts!

Sometimes... life just gets busy!

A lot has happened since I made a post!

I had lots of things to do, so I really didn't have time to write anything... sorry about that!

But now that school is almost over, I'll have more time for sure :)

Well, lately my life has been pretty full! Between school (since it is almost ending, there's a lot of work to do), drama club (we had 3 presentations in the last 2 weeks - we did "Chicago", by the way!) and the hip hop crew (we had two presentations in the las 2 weeks), I have been super busy and with no time for anything else!

I've even been out of youtube ( and my fashion and beauty blog (!!!!

But this blog was definitely the one I left behind the most!

The reson to that is that nothing really has happened (emotionally talking) that I needed or thought I should talk about!

Things have been pretty much the same on that department! But I guess, since I was busy, I didn't really had much time even to think about it!! Which is good.

It keeps me from getting depressed!!

Plus, I've been on a very positive mood! Which is actually my natural state!
I usually say to my friends: "If you smile and keep it positive, even in the darkest moments, things will get better".

So, I decided to go back to being the positive me I really am!!

Over all, it has been good couple of months!

Being on stage (dancing, acting...) makes me happy! And, since I had a lot of that these passed 2 weeks, I've been feeling pretty happy :D

I guess life can be pretty good when you're in the right mood, don't you think?? ;)

Today's motto: "Keep Smiling!"

 (btw check Kimmi Smiles on youtube - - if you wanna watch the happyest girl ever!! She ALWAYS makes me smile!!)

Today's song: Somebody That I Used To Know - Covered by Kait Weston, David Michael Frank and Ricky Ficarelli

Today's pic:

Hearts Hugs and Kisses,

Ella <3